Wednesday, 19 March 2014

Mother & daughter relationship


My mum was always the main person in my life..She looked after our family, tried the best
she could to raise polite, educated, well-mannered kids, I think she did a great job!
Throughout all these years relationship between us had their ups and downs. When I was small I was always kissing her and telling how much I love her.
During teenage years I tried to be open with her, every day after school I was telling her everything about my day and schoolmates, later this backfired when we had arguments, which meant that I couldn't share things with her and caused me to have little secrets from my mum.

Closer to 18-19 years old when everyone started to go out more, started seeing boys, I wasn't allowed to do that, and when my mum found out I have a boyfriend she was against him, against our relationship. As you can imagine it played it's role on our further relationship- I started hiding more things, started saying what she wanted to hear which was most of the time a lie.
I was always told what to do and what not to, she was always strict, which forced me to find support in other relatives and us to never have relationship as friends.

Looking back at our relationship I'm scared that I could do exactly the same mistakes. I really hope that I will be able to build something much better with my daughter.

38 comments:

  1. It's hard isn't it? It's a fine line between protecting the ones we love and not be too over bearing. I am so scared of this very thing with my own daughter. Even though I survived my teenage years and came out still being friends with my mother. It's hard and very easily to push them away when trying to be strict. I wish I knew the answer to this and I hope I do right by my own daughter. I think if you experienced one way you can try and put yourself in your daughters shoes and help guide her and protect her and still be her friend. As we have been there ourselves, but we just have to remind ourselves of that. thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me. What a great post! #sharewithme

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  2. I wish I had a relationship with my mum, we absolutely hate each other!! So I guess I'm the complete opposite of this :(

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  3. My mum and I had our moments when I was a teenager, but we are the best of friends now. It's tough finding the balance and now that I have a daughter too I am very conscious of not making the same mistakes! #ShareWithMe

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  4. Hmm it's really tricky isn't it. I am lucky and my mum and I are very close. We had difficult times as a teenager and when I moved home after uni it was a bit of a nightmare. Not living in the same house definitely helped our relationship. My dad did not have a good relationship with either me or my brothers so I have the same worries about history repeating itself and I guess the fact that we aware of how we don't want to repeat history will hopefully mean we don't make the same mistakes they did. Just keep being aware of it I guess, remind yourself over the years how you felt and I guess try and relate that to how our daughter feels. We can only do our best at the end of the day :) xx #sharewithme

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  5. My mother had an opinion about everything I did as a child, a teenager and even now as an adult. However, she also let me have an opinion and choose the best option. I am glad she did that. Now, we are great friends.

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  6. oh this is a toughie. It is a scary world and, to be honest, my Boo will never be allowed our or to have boyfriends-I know what I got up to ;-)

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  7. I too had my moments with Mum as a teenager but now she's my best friend and I love her for drawing the line between a parent and friend when I was younger ;)

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  8. It's really tough - I have one daughter and three sons, and it seems more fragile with my daughter, more emotionally fraught at times! She is far more sensitive and I'm very aware of trying to build a long term, lasting, healthy and positive relationship.

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  9. A tough one indeed. My mum was very busy when I was growing up so I was left very much to my own devices. Sometimes I wish she had been a bit stricter in certain areas. The main problem I have now is that she has moved down here to be near us and has become very opinionated about my life. After so many years of her being quite selfish I am struggling to find a balance.
    I have a 17 year old daughter and we have a fantastic relationship, I think my Mum looks at us with envy that she didn't have that with me. xx

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  10. I get along well with my mum, so I can't relate to your feelings, but I can understand where you are coming from, and wanting to have a good mother/daughter relationship now you are a mother will be something you won't make the same mistakes (as you said) as your own mother.

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  11. Me and my mum are very close she is like my best friend .x

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  12. I am very close with my Daughter, but there were times in our relationship where we did have issues. I think love seen us through.

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  13. It's very difficult to find the right balance isn't it? Some of the things I resented about my mum's way of dealing with things I now understand (even if I don't agree with them) because I see the same tendencies in myself with O. I am not sure a perfect relationship between parent and child is ever achievable, but we can aim to have the best relationship we can and that be achieved by being conscious of what we're doing and how we're acting, just as you are showing in this blog post!

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  14. it is great that you are wanting to make it right with your daughter. family is a hard thing to balance!

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  15. This is something I worry about all the time - that my daughters wont want to share for fear of my reaction. I guess it's about listening and trying not to react but reassuring them that you love them no matter what. I didn't share at all with my parents and I think that's a sad thing.

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  16. I have a great relationship with my mum now, but it hasn't always been like this. But that was down to me rebelling in my late teenage early 20's. Looking back they both put up with a hell of a lot. But I always want all of my children to be able to talk to me no matter what x

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  17. i have three daughters one is a step daughter and i must admit they are my babies as are the boys but theres those times when stealing my makeup and trying on clothes makes it more fun and we look at them thinking, you are so a lil mini me lol x

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  18. I didn't have the best relationship with my mum growing up, but my having children made me see her in a new light and we had a great relationship till she died.

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  19. It is difficult to find the right balance, but I am sure you will find your middle ground

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  20. I think all Mum's and daughters have their moments, especially during those difficult teenage years. I am really close to my Mum now but we did have a period of not speaking for a few years. I'm hoping I don't make the same mistakes with my daughter.

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  21. I think very few people have perfect relationships with all of their family, the important thing is to recognise it and try to do the right thing with your own children.

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  22. Hopefully you can learn from the relationship with your mum to help make your own relationship with your daughter stronger and how it should be. I don't have any daughters, only boys! I would like a daughter one day, as I do think the mother-daughter relationship can be something special

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  23. I worry too, I want to create the best relationship with my daughter, but am worried that I will make mistakes. It will be very difficult to manage the mum/friend line I think x

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  24. Such a great post and reminds me of me and my mum too. I vow to do things differently as I really want my kids to talk to me about anything. Things are better now with my mum but there was 10 years where it was very hard to discuss life issues with her.

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  25. Finding a balance is incredibly difficult. To me being a parent does not mean being a friend, you can be happy in each other's company and share time together but I also encourage my child to have strong friendships as the relationship with friends is important too. I hope you find a balance that works for you and your family x

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  26. Me and my Mum used to have awful fallings out in my teens, I'm sure I said some awful things to her, she is one of my best friends now though and I speak to her everyday. x

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  27. I find it so hard to be a mum to teenagers. You have to let them make mistakes though or they will never learn. Sadly I was never close to my mum, but my daughter tells me almost too much sometimes lol

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  28. I hope you can find reconciliation with your mom and explain how you felt all these years. It's hard because so many of us have these love hate relationships with our mothers.

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  29. the mother daughter relationship can be so complex at times! I had a very bad relationship with my mum for years but now we are really close x

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  30. I didn't have the best relationship with my mum, I was the "black sheep" of the family. I have 4 daughters so I'm hoping mistakes aren't repeated x

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  31. Its hard to get the balance. As my eldest daughter grows up (she's 9 now) I can see a lot of where my mum was coming from but I think the point of going through adolescence yourself and then guiding your own children through it is that you can pick the bits that you agreed with and modify the bits you didn't. I know that my own mum had a very different upbringing to me and I in turn know that my own daughter will have a different upbringing again. I think its important for kids to have their own lives, identities and even their secrets- its up to us to guide them towards understanding the things they need to share with us and the things that they are allowed to keep for themselves. I really hope my daughter and I muddle through it all ok! I am sure you will too.
    x x x

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  32. It's so hard. I never felt like I could tell my parents anything, I still have secrets from them now.... I really hope as my kids grow up I can help them to feel able to be honest with me and we can have a different kind of relationship that I had with my parents

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  33. I do have a special relationship with my mom, mainly because we both fight cancer, I am fighting breast cancer and my mom thyroid cancer. We do help each other very much even if we don't live in the same town anymore........

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  34. My Mam dies a few years ago and I miss her every day still - I want to have the same relationship with my daughter as I had with my Mam x x

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  35. This is such a good post and if I can build a great relationship with my two girls then I will be one happy mummy. But I know it will have its ups and downs but I hope if she ever needs someone to come too that she'll know she can come to her Mum.

    Thanks for sharing #mDmidweekbloghop

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  36. Eek the mother / daughter relationship. It's a tough one and I was very similar to you. Early on in my life my mum was my best friend. Laughing and sharing together but once I hit the teenage years our relationship became quite fiery but I think all mums and daughters go through this, teenage years are thought whether you have a son or a daughter. I'm sure you will bring your little one up just right and there will be times you will fight and argue but it's just growing up. Thanks for linking up #GoldenOldies www.mummy2monkeys.co.uk

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  37. As a mum to a 16 year old your post really touched a nerve! We use to be close but have been through so much over the last two years, maybe I am too strict like you described. You have definitely given me something to think about :-) #GoldenOldies

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  38. It is hard being a Mum isn't it. Although I had a great relationship with my Mum, during my teenage years it was quite strained and there are definitely elements I don't want to repeat with my children.

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