Last week my darling L had her 2 free settling in sessions with each session lasting 2.5 hours. During the first session I have been completing paperwork and registering in Tapestry- online system whilst L and her new friends were bringing me all the toys to play with.
I had all sorts of emotions during these hours, at first it felt awkward, I was doubting my own decision, then it got more relaxed, deputy manager answered all my questions which made me feel better about the place and our routine, I saw L interacting with kids and it felt good, it felt right.
The next session was so much different, I was encouraged to leave L to see how she gets on without me, cutting long story short it didn't go well. Whilst it was only 2.5 hours I was constantly checking the phone thinking about L wanting to pick her up and to know how it went. Pick up wasn't easy, the moment she saw me L started crying hysterically and only calmed down when we were behind the door with a new toy as a treat.
From that day onwards I started to think over and over again if I'm making the right decision, if L will ever settle, if she is happy there, if they do everything they can. It feels as if I'm trying to pick on things not to like the place, that everything since the day we went to nursery things don't go to plan. I see how L changed, she is no longer relaxed, sociable, outgoing toddler, she knows what's about to happen and will refuse to get into pushchair to go to nursery or let go of me.
Her first proper session didn't go well either, during/after her second settling in session she managed to pick up cold and suffered with sniffles and high temperature all weekend and Monday morning. I did take her to the nursery when her temperature normalised, but L didn't have any food there at all and after 4 hours there, manager has called me asking to pick L up.
I was told it will get easier, but it just gets worse, it feels worse, catching yet another bug doesn't help either.I feel so guilty for taking her there, for letting her suffer and cry, it seems so emotional for both of us. I know we can only wait and hope that it improves, wish us luck!