Friday, 8 January 2016

Will I ever be ready for another child?!

This is something that I was asking myself for few weeks now and the answer seems to be "No" than "Yes". I love L unconditionally and will do everything that is in my power to help her if she needs me, to make her happy, full, strong, clever and healthy. 

My life spins around L, her necessitates and I completely forgot about myself. Thats what we- parents do, right?! 
With her lack of sleep, eating habits which I probably exaggerating as I worry so much about it I have no time to do anything, let alone to have well deserved "me" time. 
It feels that I have so many bugs in my head, that I worry about so many things that I can't see the light beyond all that.

I'm sure some of you have it tougher- with no money in the bank, no roof, no one to support you, with more kids on your hands and worse troubles than mine, but for me it feels like my own problem is larger than anything at the minute. 

I hear stories about mums being able to leave their husbands with newborns and go to meet their friends or go to a salon for a mani and I envy them as I have never had this opportunity. Because my baby was/is always my priority, because I have never had a chance to express enough milk, because I always wanted to be there to feed her, to put her to sleep, me and not someone else, because L would never sit still in her pushchair or highchair to let me enjoy a cuppa or a meal in a pub or a cafe.

I love cute, little babies and will shed a tear every time I see a newborn, but am I ready to potentially go through the same trouble again?! It seems that my own life has been stopped, I can't carry on with studies because I have no time, I can't lose weight because I have no time to cook healthy food, let alone to have time for my husband and I.

I love being a mum, feel like I was made for it but at times it is so tough that I doubt that we will have more kids.

1 comment:

  1. It is excruciating at times and I think that if the time comes when it's right for you to have another then you'll know and if not then you've got your gorgeous L and she will thrive with such a dedicated mummy xx