My breastfeeding journey started 2 years and 3 months ago, with it's ups and downs I was very determined to breastfeed L exclusively to proof to everyone that it can be done no matter what you just have to be determined and want to do it for your baby. I knew it is right for L, I wanted to try it as didn't see any other option and was determined to stick to it no matter what, no matter how hard it gets.
I have read different books about breastfeeding but didn't really learn much from them, have visited breastfeeding class prior to giving birth and have learned about the benefits, that you need to persevere, how to hold imaginary baby and where to buy nursing bras. These all now seems so irrelevant and not useful at all.
Breastfeeding is not about free food your baby receives and other benefits that come with breastfeeding, it's not about correct breastfeeding positions advised by midwives (I used to hold L the way it was most comfortable to me which was very different to the advice given), it's not about sticking middle finger to other mums proving that you did it without a single drop of formula it's about your inner balance, it's about what works for you and your baby, about receiving valuable support and real advice, about the bond between you, your baby and your partner, it's about you feeling relaxed and not pressured my your own guilt or the world around you!
My breastfeeding journey was such a whirlwind, now looking back all I wish is that someone, be it one of the breastfeeding peer supporters, my family, people I met told me- "You are pressuring yourself too much, darling! Try mixed feeding L won't change if you do it, but you will for the better!".
I wish people remembered how hard it is to be a new mum, to be stressed because your hungry baby is screaming and can't sleep. It's not about fighting the corner for formula or for the breast milk, I will be always supporting breastfeeding, but if I knew then what I know now I would have made different choices which would have made my life as a mum, as a woman and as a wife less stressful and pressured.
Breastfeeding vs bottle feeding always spark a passionate debate on my social media. Jamie Oliver's comments about breastfeeding have spark yet another debate between mums and dads.
I have always wanted to breastfeed L, we had lots of bottles prepared, manual and electric pumps, breastfeeding cover and a very comfy breastfeeding cushion but on the window seal in the corner, hidden away from every one else we had a starter pack with formula.
Every time we had midwife around who wasn't happy about L's weight gain even though it was steady but slow I doubted myself, I doubted my ability to breastfeed. I felt so awful, first they shake their heads, then say that I'm doing a great job, if that was their way of supporting it was pretty rubbish!
My husband saw the state of me and insisted on introducing formula, to me it felt like the most selfish decision I could have made. Why would I do such a thing?! I would do everything I can do breastfeed L, I would stick at it and prove to myself and other people that it is possible to do no matter what.
Almost 2 years later I'm still very passionate about breastfeeding and proud at what I have achieved but my opinion about formula has changed.
I put enormous amount of pressure on myself and didn't give my husband a chance to offer a bottle and be more involved in feeding. I didn't leave L for longer than couple of hours, I didn't go out to enjoy myself, we couldn't go out to a pub or cafe because she was either hungry or upset, it is of course all worth it, but I wish someone told me to take it easy.
Now I see no harm in mixed feeding, as we would be so much calmer and relaxed. I'm not saying I am supporting formula feeding more now I will be always a breastfeeding advocate, but I do understand and support those who have tried breastfeeding but have low milk supply, those who have twins, health condition or premature babies but opted to bottle feed.
But I do not yet understand those parents who have opted for formula without trying breastfeeding first. I know I don't have to, it's their choice ..
